Saturday April 10

Richard sat on his bed and dialled Kirsty’s number and she answered. ‘It’s me,’ he said. ‘Listen.’

She said she would listen. She sounded upset.

‘I’m sorry. I was a dick. I screwed up. I was stressed out and I took it all out on you.’

She said that was okay.

He said, ‘We can’t be a couple.’

She didn’t answer. He felt like he should be crying, but no tears came.

‘Maybe this is another mistake. But I can’t pretend – I can’t just be your boyfriend while I’m getting ready to leave. I just can’t.’

He felt flushed, angry, holding on.

‘I’m sorry.’

She said she was sorry too. 

 No tears. Burn them all away.

Friday April 9

Richard pulled into Adam’s leafy driveway and the security light snapped on. He parked up and went to the door, ringing the bell. Adam’s mother opened it and invited him in. ‘Hello there Richard! You’re off to see the basketball tonight, I understand?’

‘That’s right. Our new coach plays for them, so we thought we’d go and see him in action.’

‘Well, that does sound like a good idea. Adam told us all about your new coach. He says Mr Taylor’s from the United States as well, is that from anywhere near Washington D.C.?’

‘Not too far, I think. I still haven’t asked him where he’s from actually.’

‘Oh, well, I’m sure that’s nice for you, to have a familiar sort of person about!’

Richard nodded as Adam arrived. They farewelled Mrs Curtis and headed out to the car.

Thoughts rolled back in.

Adam went to the passenger-side door but Richard waved him off. ‘You’re in the back seat. We’re picking up Kirsty.’

‘Oh,’ Adam said. With a wistful look he closed the front door and got in the back. Richard waited for him to settle, then reversed out of the drive with Adam’s head and shoulders filling the rearview mirror.

Grandparents and cousins and football and proper cities and being right in the centre of the world.

This was stupid. How many times had he had these exact thoughts? He needed to snap out of this groove. It was making him crazy, going over it all time and time again. It wasn’t so hard. He needed to make a choice – leave in August or leave at Christmas. And then he needed to follow through on that choice, tell the guys, tell everyone. Sort stuff out with Kirsty.

If he stayed until Christmas, did that suddenly make it sensible to go out with someone? That was stupid. Thinking round and round in circles. He needed to snap out of this groove.

Richard pulled up at Kirsty’s and hadn’t even turned off the engine when she came out the door. She ran over and jumped in the passenger seat. ‘Hey! We’re not late?’

‘Nope, hop in.’ Richard wasn’t sure if she was expecting a hello kiss but it didn’t feel right so he just drove.

Adam leaned forward, sticking his head between the front seats. ‘Hi Kirsty.’

‘Hi Adam, how’s it going?’

‘I’m okay.’ He stayed there a moment, then settled back. ‘How is school?’

Adam asked Kirsty questions, and she answered them, and Richard drove down the hill. He was only half-listening. He just needed to decide. Why was that so hard? It wasn’t. He couldn’t tell anyone until he’d decided. And he’d somehow decided that mixing Kirsty in with all the rest of it was a good idea? It should all be so simple, but it wasn’t working out that way. Why couldn’t he get his head straight on any of this stuff?

The Hutt Valley basketball stadium was a concrete barn with tiered seating along the north wall. It was not going to be packed for tonight’s preseason game but there had still been a lot of people queuing to get in, little kids and parents and the inevitable crowd of teenagers strutting around. ‘Where shall we sit?’ Kirsty asked, holding Richard’s arm.

‘We can take our pick.’ Richard scanned the half-full bleachers. ‘How about over behind the bench?’

‘Wow. Look at them go,’ Adam said. He stepped a little forward from the others. The Shakers were on court running a layup drill, the same one Damon had taught them on Thursday, and each time one of them leapt they seemed almost to hang in the air. Body after body rose and glided in.

They found some seats behind the Shakers’ bench. Kirsty sat between the two boys. Adam didn’t take his eyes off the court: ‘Do you see that guy? That’s our coach.’

Richard watched. Kirsty’s hand was on his. He shifted his hand around to hold it, encircling her fingers, and they responded, linking in with his. He liked this girl but, really, lets be honest. Why prolong things? If there was change coming he had to take it full in the face, that was his way.

How could he be so eager to say goodbye to his friends?

Kirsty said something to him that he didn’t catch. He looked at her and she smiled warmly. Richard smiled back, but he felt it come out slightly off, so he looked away again. She was still very much a mystery. Sometimes her body language would shift in a way he couldn’t interpret and he would realise how much of a stranger she was. She’d smile sometimes and he’d wonder just how deep it went.

One by one the Shakers went into the air, grabbing the ball as it bounced off the backboard and sending it back up for the next person in line. Richard watched them landing, feet coming to earth, one after the other.

‘There’s Scott and Dennis,’ Adam said, waving at the entrance. Dennis was leading the way through gaps in the crowd with Scott blundering after. The referee whistled a minute’s warning and everyone started settling on the benches.

Dennis smiled as he joined them. ‘Prime seats. Hey folks.’

‘Hey Dennis,’ Richard said. He saw Kirsty out of the corner of his eye and noted her expression, an odd angle to it. She smiled at Dennis, said hi. Dennis thumbed over his shoulder to point out Scott, who waved at her. She waved back and started to speak but gave up as the announcer brought the PA online.

They all settled in to watch. The announcer introduced the players. The crowd started to cheer. Richard held Kirsty’s hand and let his mind run in circles.

‘Wearing the number 10, it’s our MVP from last year, Damon Taylor!’ called the announcer, and the audience cheered, a wave of noise rushing back over them. He was watching but not seeing, and the thoughts came back, the tide washing in, it would swallow him whole, it would carry him away.

Down by the river they sat in a circle, passing around a bottle of vodka-enhanced coke and a Dennis-special joint. Richard passed on the alcohol, Adam skipped both coke and smoke, and Scott held on to both for as long as he could get away with. The stony ground wasn’t too comfortable, but the cold wind had eased.

Richard was still in a quiet mood but the conversation was surviving perfectly well without him. He listened and watched. Scott was lobbing questions Kirsty’s way, getting more voluble as the night progressed. ‘You liking school okay?’

Kirsty shrugged. ‘It’s school. Does anyone really like school?’

Adam put his hand up. ‘Um, my dad did.’

Scott waved that off. ‘Ah, he thinks that now he’s shot of the place.’

‘No, really. He really did.’

‘Such a freak. If he was a normal human being he would’ve hated school too.’

‘I didn’t say that, though,’ Kirsty said. ‘I didn’t say hate. I don’t hate school.’

‘Of course you don’t,’ Dennis said from the other side of the circle. ‘Hate is such a strong word. It’s a vicious word.’

Scott nodded, picking up on Dennis’ theme. ‘Ooh, a hard and nasty word, indeed.’

Dennis nodded firmly. ‘I’d have to agree with you, Mr Collins. A hard, hard word indeed it is.’

Kirsty glanced at Richard but it was Adam who stepped in to explain: ‘Um, it’s kind of an in-joke.’

‘Strong word!’ Scott said loudly. ‘Vicious it is, not used lightly! Isn’t that right? Indeed! Use instead, dislike! Not so hard! Not so wrong!’

‘What was his name again?’ Adam asked. ‘Feldman?’

‘Wait, a relieving teacher, right?’ Kirsty said, light dawning. ‘Old guy?’

‘Feldwick,’ Dennis said.

‘Oh god, Mr Feldwick!’ Kirsty started laughing at the sudden memory. ‘He was awful. Lost his nut over the littlest things, I remember once someone clapped a duster and he just went crazy. The silliest things!’

‘Tell me about it,’ Adam said sheepishly.

Kirsty poked him in the side. ‘Is there a story here?’

Scott spoke up, waving the bottle around for emphasis. ‘So this one time we’re all pretty much rioting. Fighting in the corner, climbing out the window, everyone eating and talking, and some of the guys jumping on desks like the superstars of wrestling, right? And Feldwick’s just at the front of all this, just chewing on his pencil and staring into space with this blissed out look... oh, man. So we four were up the front, right? Talking, sure, but it’s like Apocalypse Now all around us. We’re just talking and suddenly there’s this big move from the front, and Feldwick’s on his feet! So everyone in the room shuts up and looks to see what he’s gonna do – and his face, man, he was suddenly furious and – this was so great! – he storms up to Adam and points a pencil at him and shouts right in his face, If you don’t stop clicking that biro young man I’m going to confiscate it!’

Kirsty was delighted. ‘That’s incredible. What happened?’

Adam shrugged. ‘I gave him the pen.’

Scott started giggling and kicked Adam’s leg. ‘You looked so unhappy! Man. I wish I’d had a camera.’

‘Well, it wasn’t fair, and he didn’t give the pen back,’ Adam said. There was a stubborn edge to his tone.

‘He was crazy, you know? Certifiably crazy.’ Scott took another swig and passed the bottle to Dennis.

‘The crazy could be useful, though,’ Dennis said. ‘I got a girl out of one of his classes once. Just turned up at the door and said she had to come with me to the office. He didn’t even question me.’

‘Oh, that’s such bullshit,’ Scott said. ‘You talk so much crap, man. So where’d you take this imaginary girl then?’

‘To her imaginary bedroom. I seem to recall.’

‘You’re such a cock!’

Kirsty wrinkled her nose, grinning as she exhaled. ‘You haven’t changed, Dennis.’

Scott leaned across Adam and took the joint from her, and while he had her attention he asked ‘So, how long have you known Dennis?’

‘What?’ Kirsty answered, wondering if she’d said something wrong.

Richard turned his head, paying attention.

‘How long have you known him?’ Scott asked again.

‘A few years, I guess?’

‘Know him well?’

Kirsty looked at Richard. Their eyes met briefly. Richard tried to read the expression on her face – that same look he’d seen before. He suddenly had a suspicion what it meant.

Richard followed Kirsty’s glance at Dennis. Dennis was still and relaxed, half-smiling. ‘Um,’ she said.

People aren’t ever honest about things they should be honest about.

‘You guys went out?’ Scott looked at Dennis, who didn’t deny it. ‘You guys went out, right?’

Kirsty looked a bit thrown. ‘I figured Dennis would have mentioned...’

Dennis was dismissive. ‘It was just a couple times.’

‘So.’ Richard said it carefully. Everyone stopped talking to listen. He was sitting a bit forward, making eye contact. ‘You went out with Dennis?’

Kirsty turned around on the old stones to face him properly. ‘Well, yeah, I guess you’d call it that.’

‘Why didn’t you mention it?’ Richard asked, calmly.

‘Look, this is a problem? I dunno. We haven’t talked about this stuff, have we? I was going to mention it but there wasn’t ever a right moment, and I didn’t want to make a big deal – it isn’t a big deal, right Dennis? It was years ago.’

Richard shook his head, straightening everything out. ‘I’m just surprised you didn’t think to mention it.’

Kirsty frowned, prepared to fight her corner. ‘I was going to tell you – several times, and tonight but you’ve been in this weird mood, and you’ve got enough on your plate right now. Shit, Rich, I can tell you’re having second thoughts about us, it’s obvious. What was I meant to do?’

Richard shook his head. ‘You don’t know what I’ve been thinking.’

‘I’m not stupid, okay? Just – just don’t act like it’s something I did wrong. If you’ve changed your mind then just say.’

Decisions. Richard knew what he was doing. She shouldn’t be questioning him. She didn’t get it.

The silence was broken by Scott. ‘Enough on your plate?’

Richard looked at him.

There was something in the way he looked back. ‘What else is on your plate?’

‘You haven’t told them?’ Kirsty said.

Scott’s eyes narrowed and he glanced at Dennis. Dennis sparked his lighter, looking at the flame. Adam’s face was pale in the dim light, shying back, uncomfortable.

Dennis shook his head slowly.

‘Rich? Something dawned in Scott’s expression. ‘Oh’

‘Thanks, Kirsty,’ Richard said, and he realised he was in a foul mood, had been in a foul mood all day, and he wasn’t hiding it any more. He glared at her, his voice calm and low. ‘Your confidence obviously isn’t worth shit.’

Kirsty sat back, stunned. He thought there might have been tears coming into her eyes. Good.

‘When?’ Scott asked.

Dennis sparked the lighter over and over again, shaking his head, not looking up.

Adam wasn’t understanding but he didn’t say anything.

He’d known how it would play out, he’d known how he would tell them. Not like this. This was stupid. This was a mess.

Scott persisted. ‘When are you going back?’

The flame of Dennis’ lighter jumped and flicked and Richard stared at it too. He was angry and he knew exactly which way to go. He had to move and that meant to make things end. No beginnings from now on, steadily reduce meaning, bring all the strands back in to the centre.

‘August,’ Richard said. ‘I’m leaving at the start of August.’

That was it.

It was done.

Thursday April 8

Brisk morning wind pushed down the corridors of St Francis, past rowdy queues of juniors waiting to be let into their science labs or rushing late to maths, and Richard followed it. The crowds made way for him.

They’d talked for a while, last night. Again, it had been pretty easy, even though he knew there was something more going on. He could sense the question that she wasn’t asking: are we going out? Is that what this is?

In Mr Gerrold’s room he took his usual seat beside Scott and they both produced their folders, knowing the routine. Richard removed his essay and with a small stapler from his bag he carefully clipped the corner. Scott solemnly presented his own essay and Richard clipped that as well.

Mr Gerrold entered, already talking. ‘Essays done, gentlemen?’ He nodded approvingly at the affirmative mumbles and handed over the essay box to be passed around.

‘Not me,’ said Kane, a burly member of the first fifteen.

‘And why not, Mr Winters?’

Kane was leaning back with his chair balanced on two legs. ‘Cos I didn’t do it.’

Mr Gerrold crunched his lips. ‘And it’ll be ready when?’

‘How about Monday then eh Mr Gerrold?’

‘The usual penalties, Mr Winters. Try not to keep this trend going.’

‘Nah nah no worries eh.’

Richard felt Scott nudge him in the ribs and he realised his eyes had been closing. He blinked himself awake. Scott whispered, ‘Late night?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Because of essay or because of Kirsty?’

‘Bit of both.’

‘On the night before the big basketball trial, huh? Not like you, Rich. So when do I finally get to meet this chick?’

‘Friday. I asked her last night if she wanted to hang out with us all on Friday, so, yeah.’

‘Hey, cool. So you’ve got over that attack of nerves or whatever that was all about? That’s cool.’

‘I guess so.’

‘And, I gotta ask, is she bringing friends? Cousins? Cute single neighbours?’

‘Nope.’

‘Maaan, I hope you’re not gonna tell me she doesn’t know anyone. How the hell are Adam and me meant to get any action if you’re not trawling the girl pool for us? Geez. We’ll both be virgins forever.’

‘Adam asked me about that the other day. About the ball.’

‘The ball? But that’s, what, ten million years away. He’s stressing about that already? I thought he was busy stressing about tonight. He can multistress? Shit. I’m almost impressed.’

‘I told him to relax.’

‘Yeah. Hell, he’s as dateless as I am, and I’m not stressing. And he’s several steps ahead of me anyway, because at least he’s had a friend or two who didn’t have a penis.’

‘You’ve had female friends.’

‘Not cute ones.’ Scott screwed up his nose. ‘Keep in mind, Rich, we’re both counting on you here. Like General Kenobi, you are our only hope.’

‘And Dennis.’

‘Dennis doesn’t count. There’s gotta be a quota system he’s in breach of.’ Scott glanced up at Mr Gerrold, who was finally beginning the lesson, and dropped his voice back to the whisper he’d started out with. ‘Besides, he’s not the sharing type.’

‘He can pass a basketball.’

‘Well, if basketballs had vaginas he might not be so generous.’

Richard looked at Scott, shook his head, and turned his attention to the lesson.

The gymnasium was one of the school’s better facilities. The ceiling had recently been repaired, new lighting had been installed, and the windows had been cleaned up. The floor was due for work later in the year. It was old and sun-bleached. Painted courtlines for a half-dozen sports wound over and through each other in a complex knot. The basketball hoops at each end were mounted on sagging iron struts that could in theory be folded in against the wall, but this mechanism never worked. The caretaker insisted on blaming this on ‘monkey idiots hanging from the baskets’. Richard hated that refrain, probably because he was taking it all a bit too personally.

Richard crossed back and forth over the centre line with the ball. He was working on his dribble, figuring that was his weak spot. The gym had ten other bodies in it – just enough for a functional team. Was that gonna be it? Eleven people?

Adam was sitting on a bench next to Viane Vailini. They weren’t talking. Viane, a sixth former, looked only slightly less nervous than Adam, but Richard figured he could handle himself. He’d probably respond well to a bit of coaching.

Ray was engaged in a three-point shootout with James and Tane Peters. Tane had his American accent down, and it seemed he’d got in shape for the trial by memorising coarse dialogue from movies about the ghetto. He seemed to be sinking a lot of shots, as his endless reservoir of abuse continually pointed out. All three of them had confidence. Ray was a natural point guard. They’d all be very useful.

Dennis practised his shooting on the same hoop. He nailed release after release with fluid precision.

Scott was with Lio at the other end of the court playing two on two against Chris Tala and Kelvin Young. Kelvin darted through the defence, laughing as he forced a shot which landed high on the backboard. Lio grabbed the rebound, roaring theatrically. Chris and Lio both had a bit of beef to them, good strong forwards, and Kelvin could back Ray up at the point guard spot. It wasn’t looking too bad.

Richard spotted the P.E. teacher in the doorway. Mr Sheldon put his hands on his hips, his dangling whistle catching the light. He was a short, spry man on the wrong side of forty. Richard liked him well enough, even if he did seem to believe that any uncoordinated youth could become a sportsman if he did enough pushups and had a will to succeed.

Conversation eased as Sheldon entered, and the trialists converged around the bench where Adam and Viane were sitting. When they saw who followed Sheldon into the gym, talking stopped completely.

‘Right, shut up,’ Sheldon said. ‘This is Damon Taylor, from the Hutt Valley Shakers. He’s agreed to coach you lot, which is a real privilege for us. So don’t screw it up by being idiots, all right?’

Damon Taylor was six three with a frame built for quickness. His skin was black, American black like on TV. Everyone noticed that. He wore a tight cap on a shaved head and the logo on his shorts matched the one on his shoes. Richard figured his accent as somewhere central east – Baltimore? He couldn’t tell. He’d never really developed an ear for that stuff before he left the U.S.

‘Thanks, Hamish,’ Damon said. ‘Hey guys. My name’s Damon Taylor. You can call me Damon or Coach, as you like, but when we’re working or competing you always call me Coach. It’ll keep your mind on the game. Now I understand St Francis hasn’t had a basketball team for some years, so we’re gonna have to do some rebuilding here. We’re going into second division competition, all right? That’s a tough one at the moment, don’t be fooled. We play well this year, we’ll look at our options for next year.

‘Now, appreciate this – I’m gonna demand professionalism from you. That means commitment. You got to be ready to go where you need to go. How many we got here? Eleven? We got eleven people. That’s a good squad. And if eleven of you are prepared to come here and practice hard, then you’re all in. So welcome to the team.’

Richard heard Dennis murmur, ‘Good speech.’

Scott whispered agreement. ‘No cue cards.’

Damon glanced at Sheldon, who stuck out his chin and glared at the squad. ‘Well then,’ Mr Sheldon said. ‘There will be a meeting next week to sort out uniforms and all that. I need to sort that out. For now, you lot are in his capable hands. Don’t be idiots. Damon, they’re all yours.’

Damon didn’t miss a beat. ‘All right! Any questions before we get into some drills?’

There was a moment of silence. Richard stood up. ‘No questions, Coach.’

‘In that case, dribbling drill, I want four lines on the baseline…’

The new team got down to work.

Tuesday April 6

The Hutt Valley was a wedge scooped out of rolling hills. The triangle began with the long Petone shoreline, where the settlers had landed, and continued north between eastern and western hills. To the south, across the large comma-shaped harbour that tailed out into the Cook Strait, was Wellington city. Richard had been a bit surprised when he discovered that the Hutt had a reputation for black jeans and brown faces. Eventually he realised that was because most of the Hutt’s white middle class spent all their time in the city. Lower Hutt wasn’t a suburb, but wasn’t quite its own place either.

St Francis was on a long street lined with green lawns and high walls and European cars in the driveways. Richard walked it with Adam. They were in basketball casuals, school uniforms stuffed in their bags. Another shoot-around after school, this time with James Travers and a couple of guys from form six who were going to try for the team, Lio Manuele in his beanie with his jacket zipped up to his chin, and Ray Atoa, impeccably groomed as always. Richard figured Lio for a good strong forward, especially sharp with rebounding. Ray was a ball handler, with a few nice moves and a deft hand at passing. It had been a promising session. It was coming together.

Richard hitched his thumb under a bag-strap and kept an eye on the clouds. Cars whirred past, the beginning of what passed for rush hour in the Hutt. Sunlight filtered down through the clouds and a breeze rippled the leaves on bushes and trees. Richard could walk this route with his eyes closed if he wanted to. Every weekday he walked to and from school, since he’d arrived five years ago.

And soon he’d be leaving.

‘Rich?’

‘Mmm?’

Adam stared at his feet and coughed. ‘Have you been thinking about the ball?’

The ball. Prom night. God, not even the slightest, given the other things he had pressing into his thoughts all the time. The ball was a very long way away. ‘No, I really haven’t.’

‘Oh.’

Richard waited for three cars to pass before following up. He figured that was enough time. ‘You’re asking about the ball because...’

‘Oh, I was just thinking. You know.’ Adam shrugged, his shoulders rising and falling heavily. ‘We’re going to go, though, aren’t we?’

‘I would guess so.’

‘And, well. We’ll go all four of us together?’

‘Sure.’

‘We have to find partners. To go with.’

Richard had figured where this was headed a few questions back. ‘Yeah. That won’t be a problem.’

‘Maybe not for you,’ Adam said. ‘I mean, I was thinking about it all last night, and I don’t even know where I’d find someone to ask.’

‘There are girls all over the place. Don’t worry about it.’

‘But I don’t know any girls any more. I mean, I can’t talk to any of them. I just end up being that tall guy who follows you and Dennis around. They don’t see me like that.’

‘Like what? Listen, if you’re comparing yourself to Dennis, don’t. They don’t see any of us like they see him. Dennis has that aura thing going on. I don’t know anyone else who has that.’

‘Yeah, well, I know I don’t. And I just keep going around with you guys, and that’s not going to get me anywhere. But I don’t know what will. I don’t know how I can meet anyone else, I don’t know anyone at church now the youth group’s gone. It’s stupid, I know, but I can just see that it’s going to be a disaster.’

‘Don’t stress,’ Richard said. ‘It’s ages away. You just need to find some girl you’re friendly with and ask her. Not even friends, just friendly. Girls love to go to these things and you’re a nice guy, so just relax, okay?’

Adam nodded gloomily as they walked. ‘Are you going to go with Kirsty?’

‘It’s a bit early to start making plans, isn’t it?’

‘She’s nice, isn’t she.’

‘Yep.’ Richard nodded. ‘She is.’

Richard had no idea if she was going to be waiting for him to call. He wasn’t sure he wanted to dial her number. Standing there with the phone in his hand and the number in his head – it was like the number wanted to be dialled. It felt inevitable.

Things over the weekend had been kind of crazy. He hadn’t felt like himself, and everything had gone maybe a little bit too far, too fast. Maybe. He wasn’t sure he did think that. He had no idea what she would be thinking. And he had no idea what he’d say if he called her. Maybe he should ask if she wanted to go somewhere? But then where would they go, and what would he say when they got there? Friday and Saturday had gone in a rush but now they’d both had time to reflect, and he’d reflected. He’d pretty much done nothing else but reflect for the last three days.

As if he didn’t have enough to worry about.

His parents were trying to be relaxed about the move but it wasn’t helping. He didn’t want to start thinking about that, and thinking about Kirsty was a good distraction. Maybe too good. He was overthinking Kirsty and underthinking the fact his life was going to turn completely upside down. He was supposed to be handling this, not falling apart like a kid. And he still hadn’t told the guys. How could he when he didn’t even know how to handle it himself?

He’d always known exactly how it should go. His parents would have said ‘we’re going home’ and he would have nodded sagely and begun folding up his life person by person, telling each one of them how it was going to be, clear and calm. The girls would cry and he’d let them hold him, but only for a little while. Life would grind to a slow and perfect halt, and then he’d turn away from them all and walk on to the plane without looking over his shoulder. That was how he’d always planned it.

Except that life was refusing to stop for him. It was like a fire in the bush, raging out of control. Funny how he hadn’t noticed its tendency to do that.

He couldn’t leave calling too late, or she’d not be waiting. He couldn’t call too early or he’d seem overeager. He couldn’t sit still, which left him pacing helplessly around the room in his socks.

He liked her, of course. And she liked him. It was just everything else that made it complicated.

There was mud in the white carpet. He must have had mud on his shoes. How had he not noticed the mud on his shoes? How distracted was he by all this? Mud in the carpet. On top of everything else it seemed a ridiculous tiny nuisance. This wasn’t how he was. He was meant to be always on top of things, even the little details. Doing things. Making it happen. He snatched up the offending shoe and opened the window, banging it outside to knock the mud away.

The cold air hit his face in a rush. It was dark and the houses were lit up like lanterns. Sods of earth arced away from the shoe, twisting down through the air. Everything was distant. Richard looked sideways and he could almost see her piece of hill.

Handle it. Make it happen. No-one else is going to.

He left the window open and dialled her number.

Sunday April 4

The hillside grew dark as the four guys settled into Adam’s living room. Richard’s fingers turned his car keys over and over. Adam put the video they’d hired down on the coffee table.

Scott immediately picked it up again. ‘This movie is gonna suck so bad.’

Dennis was on the couch. ‘It could be good.’

‘It won’t be good. You always pick the dumbest movies. Its like you have a special radar for detecting complete shit. Almost a super power, really.’

‘It could be good.’

‘No fucking chance.’

Adam cleared his throat. ‘Um, Scott? My family are all home, so, please?’

‘Yeah yeah yeah. PG-13 language only.’ Scott sat crosslegged by the fireplace. ‘So, Rich. Gonna tell us about your Friday night?’

Richard was over at the picture window, looking out at the city. ‘Huh?’

‘Are you going to share the news? Who was she? What’s going on? Why are you staring out the window sighing like Romeo thinking about Juliet?’

‘Oh.’ He turned to face the others, silhouetted against the evening sky, the clouds reflecting city light. ‘That.’

‘Oh, please. You’ve been preoccupied since, what, Thursday? And since it’s now Sunday and you still haven’t volunteered any information, the time has come for your trusted neglected friends to dig a little.’

Richard folded his arms. ‘Not much to tell.’

‘Start with her name.’

Dennis spoke up. ‘Kirsty Rhodes. Goes to Hutt High. Pretty.’

Scott’s eyes narrowed. ‘Waitasecond, how do you know this? Richard, please don’t tell me you spilled your guts to this chump but held out on me. Say it ain’t so.’

‘Ran into them,’ Dennis said.

Adam was interested. ‘Is that the Kirsty Rhodes who lives just down the hill? I’ve met her. She is pretty.’

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake.’ Scott put his hands up. ‘And Adam’s met her too? What the hell is going on here? Adam, go get some food so I can throw it at you.’

Adam went to the kitchen. Richard took the other seat on the couch, still silent. He noticed Scott staring at him. ‘What?’

‘You’re thinking about her right now, aren’t you?’

Richard didn’t answer but he didn’t try to hide it. He was thinking about a lot of things.

‘Is that right? She lives just down the road?’ Scott smiled broadly. ‘Give her a call! Invite her up! Watching a bad post-apocalypse action movie with her new boyfriend, how could she resist?’

‘It might be good,’ Dennis said.

Richard shook his head. ‘I’m not her boyfriend. It’s just a thing.’

‘So far it’s just a thing. Oh, come on, fucking hell. The others have met her, give me a chance to catch up why don’t you?’

‘Shit, Scott.’ Richard was getting irritated. ‘Why don’t you ask Dennis about his date on Friday?’

‘Because those stories are always the same. Den meets girl, Den puts tongue in girl’s throat, Den puts hand in girl’s pants, Den sleeps with her, Den doesn’t call her, girl cries, Den meets the next girl. Boring. Old news. But you, Rich, you don’t get together with anyone hardly ever. So this counts as interesting.’

Richard wasn’t in the mood to answer. He’d been thinking in non-stop circles for an entire weekend and it was starting to wear him out.

Adam reappeared with 7-Up and glasses and a bowl of chippies. ‘Hey guys,’ he said. ‘Look who I found.’

Following him into the room was a young woman with a confident smile. The girl put her hands on her hips. ‘It’s the Hutt boys! Holy crap, you all look exactly the same.’

‘Lauren!’ Scott said, unable to hide his surprise.

‘Why, the gambler himself. How are things, Scott?’

‘Ah, yeah, good. You?’

‘Likewise, always.’ She pointed one forefinger at Richard and the other at Dennis, like a two-gun cowgirl shooting from the hip. ‘Now – let’s see if I get the names around the right way. Richard? And Dennis.’

Lauren was Adam’s cousin. Richard had met her the last time she’d been visiting, a year ago, playing cards in Adam’s room for hours.

‘So what’s the story, boys? Pretending to be all grown up?’

Scott stood up. ‘No more than you.’

‘Hell, I’m not pretending.’

‘Leave it out, you’re just one year ahead of us.’

Lauren’s eyebrows curved merrily. ‘The thing is, I feel so much older.’

Dennis spoke up from the couch. ‘I wouldn’t mind checking that for myself.’

Lauren rewarded him with a grin and sat on the spare armchair. ‘So what’s this movie? Oh, jesus. This looks sub-Chuck Norris. Who chose this?’

‘That’s a classic Dennis video pick,’ Scott said.

‘Nice work, Dennis. An appreciation for the worst cinema ever made. It takes soul to enjoy shit like this, know what I mean?’

Richard let himself smile as the wind came out of Scott’s sails.

Adam poured drinks and handed them out while Dennis kept up the chat. ‘So what are you doing here? Adam didn’t mention anything.’

‘I guess I’m the Sunday night surprise. You guys been up to much today?’

‘Playing basketball,’ Adam said. ‘We have trials for the team on Thursday so we’re practising.’

Lauren tucked her legs up into the chair and sat cross-legged. ‘Nice one. I never quite know, does a day of sport make guys more or less manageable? Does it bleed off testosterone or just get more of it pumping?’

Dennis looked amused. ‘What, you like us manageable?’

‘Of course. Guys are beasts, especially in groups. Wild as a troop of rogue baboons. I prefer you a bit less horny.’

Dennis arched an eyebrow. ‘How much less?’

Lauren narrowed her eyes, amused. ‘Good girls never tell.’

Scott coughed to catch some attention. ‘So how long are you in town?’

‘Leaving tomorrow, I’m afraid. Just here for the weekend actually.

‘I must have forgot to say,’ Adam said, looking guilty.

‘He was under orders,’ Lauren grinned. ‘I’m here undercover, top-secret two-day scouting mission, couldn’t mention my presence under pain of death.’

Scott smiled at this. ‘Who are you hiding from?’

‘The real-world people who want me to get a job and a life and stuff. But that’s okay, I think I’ve found a good place to hide for the next few years – design school, ta da! It sounds real, doesn’t it? That’s why it’s perfect.’

‘You’re going to study design?’

Lauren nodded. ‘I’m taking an intro course next half, to see how I like it, you know? Photography and drawing and stuff. So are we gonna watch this thing?’

‘We’re just waiting for Richard to invite his new girlfriend up,’ Scott said. ‘Isn’t that right, Rich?’

Richard took a moment to respond – he’d been quite enjoying staying out of the chatter. ‘Nope.’

Lauren leaned towards Richard, fascinated. ‘Why not? You’re hiding her from your friends? Are you ashamed of my cousin, is that it?’

‘Nothing like that.’

‘Then what?’

There were a bunch of reasons, most of them in his gut instinct that it would be a bad idea. Richard shrugged. ‘If I bring her up here, and she meets all of you guys, then it gets all complicated, you know?’

Dennis nodded agreement. ‘No control.’

Lauren seemed satisfied. ‘Guys are fascinating,’ she said.

They all settled in to watch the video. Richard’s mind was miles away, thinking about Kirsty, thinking about leaving, thinking about getting serious. Thinking about screwing up.

‘Rogue baboons,’ Dennis said. ‘I like that.’

Lauren grinned at him.